Favorite “Dogma” Quotes


This is just a compilation of some of my favorite quotes from “Dogma”. While this is not the most appropriate movie, it’s script has interesting theology on some topics such as…

On plenary indulgence:

This is church law, it’s not divine mandate. Church laws are fallible ’cause they’re created by man. 

One of the last sacred promises imparted to Peter, first Pope, by the Son of God before he left was “Whatever you hold true on Earth, I’ll hold true in heaven”. It’s dogmatic law.

On the anatomy of angels:

-Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.

-You can’t be anal retentive if you don’t have an anus.

On faith:

-Faith is like a glass of water: when you’re young, the glass is little, so it’s easy to fill. As you get older, the glass get bigger and the same amount of liquid doesn’t fill it up, but periodically the glass has to be filled. 

On being a true Catholic:

-I think God is dead.

-A sign of a true Catholic.

On central air conditioning:

-No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

On the Metatron:

-Behold he Metatron, Herald of the Almighty and Voice of the One True God.

-I am the Metatron.


-Don’t tell me the name doesn’t ring a bell.


-You people. If there isn’t a movie about it, it’s not worth knowing, is it? 


-I am a Seraphim. 


-The highest choir of angels.


-You do know what an angel is, don’t you? 

On the Voice of God:

-Human beings have neither the oral nor psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God’s true voice. 

On the Watchers:

-One of the choirs of angels, they’re called Watchers. Guess what they do.

On biblical literacy:

-So, one day, Loki is wiping out the firstborn of Egypt…

-Ahh, the tenth plague.

-Tell a person that you’re the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody’s a theology scholar.

On hell:

-Where they sent to hell?

-Worse. Wisconsin.

On God’s infallibility:

-Existence in all it’s form and splendor functions solely on one principle: God is infallible. 

On the weapons of divine justice:

-It’s a lot more compact than the Flaming Sword but it’s not nearly as impressive, and it doesn’t have that ‘Wrath of the Almighty’ edge to it. How are we supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? 

On genocide:

-Mass genocide is the most exhaustive activity one can engage in. Next to soccer.

On sin:

-How can you be sure what incurs the Lord’s wrath these days? Times change.

-The major sins never change.

On marriage:

-No married man kisses his wife like that.

On death:

-Death is a worry of the living. The dead like myself only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.

On prophecy:

-I can’t read this.

-It’s Aramaic. It says: ‘Rufus, see you in two years. -Jesus’ Freaked me out because he basically told me when my number was up. 

On Jesus and the New Testament:

-Well, he IS the Son of God. Kinda hard to have a New Testament without him.

On plenary indulgence (again):

-The whole of existence is in jeopardy right now because of the Catholic belief structure regarding this plenary indulgence BS.

On pride:

-These humans have besmirched everything He’s bestowed upon them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don’t even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He has shown them infinite ******* patience at every turn. […]

-I’ve heard a rant like this before. You sound like the Morning Star. […] Well **** that. I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne. I’m going back to Wisconsin.

On the life of Jesus:

-Imagine you’re a twelve year old boy, and one day you’re told you’re God’s only Son, and more than that, you’re God. How long do you think it’ll take you to come to grips with something that huge? Maybe say, 18 years? 

On the virgin Mary:

-Any important material about Christ would give people a better understanding of the nature of God. Why would they leave any of it out?

-‘Cause it’s all closely tied up with his family.

-His mother and father?

-Brothers and sisters.

-Jesus didn’t have brothers and sisters. Mary was a virgin.

-Mary gave birth to Christ without having known a man’s touch. This is true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he would’ve stayed married to her for all those years if he wasn’t getting laid. The nature of God and the virgin birth, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down, that’s just plain gullibility.

On the Presence of God:

-As omnipotent as we are, I have to admit we are rather lost without His presence. 

On Church membership:

-Fill ’em pews people. That’s the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook ’em while they’re young.

-Kinda like the tobacco industry.

-Christ, if only we had their numbers.

Finally… an exchange between Rufus and Cardinal Glick:

-Who sent you.

-We were sent by Him who is called I AM.

-Cute, really cute. Come on kids, playtime with the coddle is over.

-Worked for Moses.

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